"Seinfeld" The Old Man (1993) Jerry, Elaine and George volunteer to help the elderly. Jerry gets assigned to a nasty old man with a foreign housekeeper that he claims is trying to steal his possessions. Elaine is repulsed by the goiter problems of the woman she is visiting and George depresses his assigned senior citizen by questioning his outlook on dying. Kramer and Newman try the business of selling some of Jerry's old records to a used record store but are not satisfied with the results. The man Jerry is responsible for tells him that he wants to get rid of some of his "junk", including a mass amount of old records which Kramer and Newman show up later to pick up. The man bites Kramers arm, causing him to jerk back and launch his dentures in to the garbage disposal. Jerry loses track of his man when they try to take him to the dentist to repair his dentures which were promptly destroyed after the garbage disposal was turned on, mistaken for for a light switch. In the end, George is seen at the old mans house getting his head massaged with oil by the housekeeper (something he had mentioned he wanted to do earlier in the episode). Quotes: George: I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to give up. George: Let me ask you something: what do you do for a living, Newman? Newman: Why, I'm a United States postal worker. George: Aren't those the guys who go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody? Newman: Sometimes. Jerry: Why is that? Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming. Piles of it, more and more! And you have to put it all out, but the more you put it out, the more it keeps coming in! And then the barcode reader breaks! And it's Publisher's Clearing House Day! George: What kind of a person are you? Jerry: Well, I think I'm pretty much like you. Only successful. Old man: Oh, my housekeeper. She steals from me. Says she don't speak English....my ass she doesn't speak English! Plays that freakin' voodoo music to hypnotize me. Well, I'll tell you something: I wasn't born yesterday! I might drop dead today but I sure as hell wasn't born yesterday! George: Don't you have a brain? Have you gone so completely senile that you've lost all your sense? Hey, where are you going? Old Man: Life's too short to waste on you. Old man: Good thank God. Oh, before you go, would you mind changing my diaper? Ha, Ha (fist pump). House keeper: No, No, English. George: I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body. You don't understand, it's a miracle. Jerry: You're throwin' this stuff out? Old Man: I believe that's what you do with garbage you IDIOT!! Newman: (repeating what Kramer whispers in his ear) You are nothing but a piece of crap... I find you extremely ugly... you emit a foul and unpleasant odor... I loathe you! Newman: It was a real melee. Kramer: Yeah, a real brouhaha. Old Woman: And that's when I began my affair with Mohandas. Elaine: What? Old Woman: Mohandas. Elaine: Gandhi? Old Woman: Oh...the passion! The forbidden pleasure! Elaine: You had an affair...with Gandhi. Old Woman: He used to dip his bald head in oil...and rub it all over my body

Author: SeinfeldTV
Keywords: seinfeld the old man
Added: May 31, 2008

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